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12 12, 2015

Do Things From the Past Hold us From Moving Forward?

By |2017-03-03T12:06:49-05:00December 12th, 2015|Categories: beliefs, Blog|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on Do Things From the Past Hold us From Moving Forward?

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favoriteTwo days ago, I realized I had lost my favorite watch. The watch was sent to me from a friend after my best loved cousin passed away. I loved the watch; it was very expensive and she only wore it when we went to the theater or out to eat. I commented that it was so beautiful she should wear it more often. She laughed and said she sometimes forgot about it. I was amazed when I received it; until its loss, I considered it my very lucky charm.  I retraced my steps, turned the house upside down, and it hasn’t appeared. There was no reason why it should have fallen off; it had a special safety bracelet.

For one day, I could barely function. It was embarrassing how lost I felt without the watch. I keep feeling my arm for my watch. I was out of sorts without my good-luck piece. I started thinking about what it meant.

It was a link to the past. It was a past filled with laughter, good times and some mystery. Part of the mystery was her unwillingness to go through chemotherapy to stop her leukemia.  She had cancer ten years earlier, and came through it with flying colors. She used to tell me it was a breeze. When she finished her treatment, she coached me through my cancer which started the day after she finished her treatment! Believe me, it was an awful winter. We were planning a trip to Italy and more good times in her town of Boston. By the way, we had not seen each other for over twenty years until she tracked me down at a seminar I was doing in Maine one year! We never knew why our families stopped talking, but they had. We vowed it would never happen again, and we began a very close friendship for almost eight years.

 

The eight years were filled with more fun than ever had when we were kids. She was a  couple of years older and, I thought, wiser than me.

The closer we got, the more I noticed how frightened she was. The nurse who ran eight operating rooms at Mass. General was willing to die than go through a bone marrow transplant. The one who told me not to worry about anything was undoubtedly worrying. I was there when the doctor told her if she didn’t continue treatment, she would be dead in a week. I heard her say, “I don’t care!” What had I missed?

I loved the watch but more than that I loved Rosalie. She was the grown-up sister I never had; the one who didn’t compare me to anyone else in my family. She was the one who loved me unconditionally. She approved of my finance and actually adored him; we spent many wonderful times together.

I tell myself; it’s just a watch. I really can’t afford to replace it because of the cost, and it wasn’t insured. I’m hoping someone found it, and they are wearing it. My arm feels so empty, but maybe it’s really my heart. I know Rosalie is gone but there was still a piece of her with me. The watch was the piece I really valued because I know how much it meant to her. How many other things am I  holding that really don’t matter?

She is in my heart; more than ever. Her love and good wishes for me are very much alive.  (She thought I was amazing and I felt the same way about her!) Our families came from very humble beginnings, there were Italian immigrants. We both spent our summers on the farm helping with chores. We both hoped to move on in our lives. I was the first to attend college in my family; she was the second in hers. We both knew we didn’t have much money but our families worked hard and assured us we would get through college.

I want the watch back, but more than that, I want Rosalie back. I’m mad that she made the decision to go away and leave me on my own. I am happy to have spent so much time with her and her most prized possession.  The watch was just a symbol of my connection to my cousin; I know she is still in my heart.

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11 10, 2015

5 Reasons why it Matters that you Accept Where you are in Life

By |2017-03-03T12:06:51-05:00October 11th, 2015|Categories: beliefs, Blog, The Millenniums|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on 5 Reasons why it Matters that you Accept Where you are in Life

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It's hard to like someone you don't desire. -Laura Marling.

It’s hard to like someone you don’t desire. -Laura Marling.

I spent a couple of days with my friends in Long Island. There were lots of conversations about what others were doing and how our lives could be better. There was one common theme that kept repeating itself. There are many people whose lives are better because of what they have.)

So does money make us happy? The consensus was that money makes life easier which lessens the stress. Ultimately you will be happier. It seems simple doesn’t it?

To go along with this is the “I wish I had, why didn’t I and I should have” statements?

Today I had lunch with another friend, here’s what we decided.

“We are where we are because of the choices we’ve made in life.” Yes there are a few missed opportunities but basically we’ve made our own lives. We all have food, a place to live, a car to drive and mostly good health.  The bit problem seems to be accepting where we are. Here’s why it’s important.

  1. You don’t give yourself credit for what you’ve done. Miracles haven’t made your life what it so give yourself a pat on the back for what you’ve done.
  2. You can’t change the choices you’ve made. It is an excellent idea to review your choices and decide which ones were good and which ones weren’t so hot.
  3. You can’t grow or get better unless you accept who you are. We are only as smart as we give ourselves credit for. Why is it? We focus on things we haven’t done?
  4. You can’t “pretend” your way through life, although many do. My friend is finishing college and is telling me how much she is going to make. With all due respect, her two-year degree is not that demanding, and I know she’s into a rude awakening. Better to deal with “what is” rather than “what you would like it to be.”
  5. Work as hard as you can with what you have. Learn things daily, read, and find ways to get smarter. While coming from the gym I asked one of my “gym” friends, how he was feeling. He said he was annoyed that he wasn’t feeling better. I actually joined in with that I was also annoyed. Another friend chimed in with, “Hey we’re every working out; that’s better than most people our age!”

Accepting who you gives  you the ability to live with yourself. There are so many people who beat themselves up daily, as well as others who love them, for not being more. We can only be what we are at this moment. If we want the next moments to be unusual, we will have to make different choices. Some of these choices are difficult because we don’t know what they will bring.

Nothing new has every changed by doing the same thing over again. Einstein called doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results was a form of insanity.

None of us want to think of ourselves as insane.

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30 08, 2015

Why you Must Overcome the Fear Even if You’re Scared to Death

By |2017-03-03T12:06:52-05:00August 30th, 2015|Categories: beliefs, Blog|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on Why you Must Overcome the Fear Even if You’re Scared to Death

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From the movie, "After Earth."

From the movie, “After Earth.”

Fear gets into the way of everything. Think about it, we’re not fearful of the thing that causes the fear; we’re scared  of the fear itself. It scares many to death; literally. We set up expectations about our life and how it should be and then are disappointed when it doesn’t turn out like we wanted it to. We seduce ourselves into believe in things that aren’t true and will never happen. We say we’ll do things when we get older,  have more money, find a new love or get a new car. The truth is, it will never happen the way we wish it would.

I talk about wanting to move, at least for part of the year. I tell myself I hate the inconvenience caused by the snow.  I actually had one opportunity that fit all my criteria. I could try it without relative risk; I liked the possibilities for work, and  my  dear friend was available to help me. When my friend died  suddenly I felt like I had to start over gain.  Like many, I like things easy, without complications and risks. Why has it taken me so long to take a risk? I tell myself it will be a great adventure, and I can make new friends but leaving the comfort of my home feels a little risky.

Every time you’re disappointed, check out the themes in your life. What fairy tales do you tell yourself about life? What do you want to   but have no real plans in place? Living with reality may not be the best, but at least you know where you’re starting from. We all have patterns or themes in the way we do things. What are you constantly  drawn to? What areas cause pain, what areas cause joy? You’ve heard it before, but push past the fear to live the life you deserve.

If you want to overcome fear, change your story. Give the store a happy ending instead one filled with doubt and anxiety. No matter what happens you can handle it, don’t let fear rule you!

Lisbeth has been working with people from all types of industries for over twenty years. If change is in your future and need some help, reach Lisbeth at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

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15 08, 2015

All You Really Have is You

By |2017-03-03T12:06:52-05:00August 15th, 2015|Categories: beliefs, Blog|Tags: , , , , , |Comments Off on All You Really Have is You

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I am in the midst of learning a script for a commercial video. I asked my acting coach to give me some pointers on what I had put together. It’s a bit daunting when you are performing for your coach. I kept thinking in my head, what makes this work, what brings this all together. I explained I wasn’t sure what was effective and how would I know. He suggested I perform the piece in my own way and not worry about what I thought they wanted.

“Remember, he said, they hired you because of who you are not what they want you to be.”

Suddenly, I had a thought; the person who hired me said he was watching videos that I had made. He also told me the parts he liked. In fact, he liked them so much he was watching them over and over.  I’m thinking to myself, what did he like about what I said? I realized he didn’t talk about the script or what I knew, he was laughing about my stories and my “in your face” attitude.

It was me being myself. What do I believe about myself?

I realize when I’m me; I find what I’m doing to be more fun and more real. How often in life do we give people what we think they want rather than just being true to ourselves? He watched several of my promo videos before he called me, so he obviously knew what he was getting. That’s why videos are really cool. Someone either likes your style, or they don’t.

All we have is who we are. Actors bring their own style to the character. If the character is supposed to be feeling sad, they bring their brand of the emotion to the scene.

Where we go wrong is when we get out of character. For whatever reason, we believe we should do it another way.  This has started me thinking, what makes me get out of character, why do I think I should be someone else? Maybe this sounds simple but for me; it’s actually profound.  As I go through my days, how much of the time do I spend being myself and when do I decide to be someone different.

I would say that authenticity is the key to building solid relationships.

Now I understand what Kermit meant when he said; “Sometimes it’s hard being green.”

Thanks to Lyle Verbilion for the photo.

Lisbeth has been helping business and people get what they need out of life. For more information, reach her at www.lisbethcalandrino or Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

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10 05, 2015

Mother’s Don’t Want Much; Just to be Valued as People

By |2017-03-03T12:06:53-05:00May 10th, 2015|Categories: beliefs, Blog|Tags: , |Comments Off on Mother’s Don’t Want Much; Just to be Valued as People

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Moms will always be moms.

Moms will always be moms.

Being a mom is complicated. When children are babies, the role is simple. They need to be taken care of and loved. As they get older, they need space to be able to become independent. Sometimes these roles are in conflict. It’s hard to see children as getting older; they always look like the tiny human that bought such joy to your life.

As my mom grew older, I realized she didn’t seem to cook or clean as much as she used to. When I offered to help cook or clean, she was very adamant with her “No.” My mom had always been very independent, going to work when it wasn’t fashionable. My dad thought people would think she was working because he couldn’t support her. She went to work so she would be able to buy her own car and eventually collect social security. She was just smart. By the way, I asked my mother about cooking and cleaning—she said she didn’t feel like it, and I shouldn’t worry.

When I was in the carpet business, we would roll out the red carpet on Mother’s Day and give away roses to all the moms that stopped in. Of course our mom was at the store, all dressed up and wearing her corsage. Everyone loved this event.

So often I hear about children who disapprove of their mom marrying again—how could she fall in love or want another relationship. Why worry? The worst thing that might happen is she enj