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Why you Must Overcome the Fear Even if You’re Scared to Death

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From the movie, "After Earth."

From the movie, “After Earth.”

Fear gets into the way of everything. Think about it, we’re not fearful of the thing that causes the fear; we’re scared  of the fear itself. It scares many to death; literally. We set up expectations about our life and how it should be and then are disappointed when it doesn’t turn out like we wanted it to. We seduce ourselves into believe in things that aren’t true and will never happen. We say we’ll do things when we get older,  have more money, find a new love or get a new car. The truth is, it will never happen the way we wish it would.

I talk about wanting to move, at least for part of the year. I tell myself I hate the inconvenience caused by the snow.  I actually had one opportunity that fit all my criteria. I could try it without relative risk; I liked the possibilities for work, and  my  dear friend was available to help me. When my friend died  suddenly I felt like I had to start over gain.  Like many, I like things easy, without complications and risks. Why has it taken me so long to take a risk? I tell myself it will be a great adventure, and I can make new friends but leaving the comfort of my home feels a little risky.

Every time you’re disappointed, check out the themes in your life. What fairy tales do you tell yourself about life? What do you want to   but have no real plans in place? Living with reality may not be the best, but at least you know where you’re starting from. We all have patterns or themes in the way we do things. What are you constantly  drawn to? What areas cause pain, what areas cause joy? You’ve heard it before, but push past the fear to live the life you deserve.

If you want to overcome fear, change your story. Give the store a happy ending instead one filled with doubt and anxiety. No matter what happens you can handle it, don’t let fear rule you!

Lisbeth has been working with people from all types of industries for over twenty years. If change is in your future and need some help, reach Lisbeth at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:52+00:00August 30th, 2015|beliefs, Blog|0 Comments

All You Really Have is You

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I am in the midst of learning a script for a commercial video. I asked my acting coach to give me some pointers on what I had put together. It’s a bit daunting when you are performing for your coach. I kept thinking in my head, what makes this work, what brings this all together. I explained I wasn’t sure what was effective and how would I know. He suggested I perform the piece in my own way and not worry about what I thought they wanted.

“Remember, he said, they hired you because of who you are not what they want you to be.”

Suddenly, I had a thought; the person who hired me said he was watching videos that I had made. He also told me the parts he liked. In fact, he liked them so much he was watching them over and over.  I’m thinking to myself, what did he like about what I said? I realized he didn’t talk about the script or what I knew, he was laughing about my stories and my “in your face” attitude.

It was me being myself. What do I believe about myself?

I realize when I’m me; I find what I’m doing to be more fun and more real. How often in life do we give people what we think they want rather than just being true to ourselves? He watched several of my promo videos before he called me, so he obviously knew what he was getting. That’s why videos are really cool. Someone either likes your style, or they don’t.

All we have is who we are. Actors bring their own style to the character. If the character is supposed to be feeling sad, they bring their brand of the emotion to the scene.

Where we go wrong is when we get out of character. For whatever reason, we believe we should do it another way.  This has started me thinking, what makes me get out of character, why do I think I should be someone else? Maybe this sounds simple but for me; it’s actually profound.  As I go through my days, how much of the time do I spend being myself and when do I decide to be someone different.

I would say that authenticity is the key to building solid relationships.

Now I understand what Kermit meant when he said; “Sometimes it’s hard being green.”

Thanks to Lyle Verbilion for the photo.

Lisbeth has been helping business and people get what they need out of life. For more information, reach her at www.lisbethcalandrino or Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:52+00:00August 15th, 2015|beliefs, Blog|0 Comments

Mother’s Don’t Want Much; Just to be Valued as People

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Moms will always be moms.

Moms will always be moms.

Being a mom is complicated. When children are babies, the role is simple. They need to be taken care of and loved. As they get older, they need space to be able to become independent. Sometimes these roles are in conflict. It’s hard to see children as getting older; they always look like the tiny human that bought such joy to your life.

As my mom grew older, I realized she didn’t seem to cook or clean as much as she used to. When I offered to help cook or clean, she was very adamant with her “No.” My mom had always been very independent, going to work when it wasn’t fashionable. My dad thought people would think she was working because he couldn’t support her. She went to work so she would be able to buy her own car and eventually collect social security. She was just smart. By the way, I asked my mother about cooking and cleaning—she said she didn’t feel like it, and I shouldn’t worry.

When I was in the carpet business, we would roll out the red carpet on Mother’s Day and give away roses to all the moms that stopped in. Of course our mom was at the store, all dressed up and wearing her corsage. Everyone loved this event.

So often I hear about children who disapprove of their mom marrying again—how could she fall in love or want another relationship. Why worry? The worst thing that might happen is she enjoys the remaining years of her life.

Why did I care so much? Did I think my mother was getting old? If I cleaned and cooked for her would that mean she wasn’t aging? Was I trying to head off the inevitable or pretend it wouldn’t happen? If we asked, she still made the best eggplant and stuffed artichokes. She said she didn’t eat that much because she wasn’t interested in gaining weight.

As I age, I realize how important it is to be independent. I spend a lot of time at the gym; I know keeping physical fit is the key to many things. I also I realize at one point I won’t want to clean this big house. When people offer to help me clean my house, I’ll know it’s time to move on.

When I asked my mom what she wanted for Mother’s Day many years ago, she wanted a pair of Reebok bright, pink sneakers so she could continue to exercise. Today it makes me smile and I realize I’m not that much different than her.

I heard a survey today about what mom’s want the most for mother’s day—help around the house. They probably want the yard racked or putting the air conditioner in the window. Taking your mom out to dinner is also tops on the list. . You remember all the things you didn’t want to do when you lived at home. Smile.

Lisbeth has been teaching businesses how to improve their customer service and the customer experience for over 20 years. To schedule a consultation or have her speak at your business, reach her at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com. If she’s not in her office, she can often be found mornings at the YMCA in East Greenbush, New York. 

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:53+00:00May 10th, 2015|beliefs, Blog|0 Comments

Does Anyone Care You’re Saying? 4 Ways to be a Better Listener

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ListeningI don’t know about you, but I like to talk. I don’t know if it’s being a speaker, I doubt that, but I can talk about everything and nothing for hours. I think I’m funny, but I’m not sure if that’s the way to build rapport. What feels worse than trying to talk with someone while they’re texting or playing an online game?

As a child, I stopped being friendly at about 4. At which point my mother told me what I would have to do if I was going to make friends. My dad was very funny, and everyone liked him; I guess that’s how I thought it could be. I didn’t realize it then, but there was more to it. My dad was very empathetic too.

Just because we listen doesn’t really mean we heard anything. These day’s people act like they’re listening, but we know everyone is multitasking. It’s doubtful they heard what you said.

How can you listen?

distraction

  1. Don’t distract yourself. Put your phone and the rest of the devices away. This is not the time to check your email or Facebook message. Listening and connecting is an art. Being a good listener is a way for you to really connect with customers and your friends.
  2. Don’t top the speaker’s story. Isn’t it awful when you’re telling someone what happened and without taking a breath, they “up you one better?” If you went to the doctor, they’ve been to two. If you’re going on vacation to New Orleans, they’ll tell you they once lived there and what’s wrong with the place. This is what we call the “me too” habit. Whatever you’ve done; I’ve done it as well and probably better.
  3. Try not to interrupt. I say “try” because when I’m on the telephone I can’t seem to judge when to pause. I’m not sure if I can’t hear, or it’s the connection.
  4. Stop trying to find problems to fix. Are you listening only enough to find a problem to fix?

Don’t be afraid to give your listening skills an overhaul. Like anything else, it takes practice and more practice.

Without customer service, a customer doesn’t have any customers,  good sales don’t necessarily bring back customers, but good customer service does.”

Lisbeth has been teaching businesses how to improve their customer service and the customer experience for over 20 years. To schedule a consultation or have her speak at your business, reach her at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com. If she’s not in her office, she can often be found mornings at the YMCA in East Greenbush.

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8 Incredible Lessons I’ve Learned From My Cat

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cat in business suitI’m always amazed when people say cats aren’t as smart as dogs or cats are “sneaky.” I would question both of these statements if they made sense, but since they don’t, I’ll continue. Cats don’t seem to be valued like dogs. They are often left behind when someone moves or thrown out to fend for themselves. Despite being mistreated, they can forget and forge ahead, oftentimes alone. They are among the most charming of the earthly creatures.
I think I would rather have a cat than a dog as a business partner. For starters, a cat will always let you know where you stand. Additionally:
1. Cats know enough to cover up their trails. I never knew any cats that didn’t know how important it was to keep their “business” covered up. They will continue to dig until it is either covered or they’ve thrown it into another room. They don’t leave things around that will incriminate them or get them in trouble.
2. They are masters at follow-through. If you can’t find something, most likely, the cat knows where it is and will eventually find it for you. They don’t forget where things are; they know how to hide things from everyone but themselves. They stay with the task – even if it’s endlessly chasing an elusive laser dot.
3. Cats have more patience than the rest of the world. My cats can watch a fly on the wall from 5 feet below until they find the right time to pounce. They don’t get rattled and know the value of a good stakeout.
4. When they want something, they’ll let you know. One thing about cats: Being subtle isn’t their MO. If they want to sit on your lap, they will let you know, and if there’s a keyboard in the way, it will have to go. If they love you, they’ll let you know. I remember when I traveled a lot; my favorite cat got in my suitcase and left her mark in front of me. She wasn’t sick, but it was obvious she didn’t like me leaving and needed more love.
5. They know enough to hold a grudge. If you mistreat cats, they will never forget it. They would rather move out and fend for themselves than stay with an abuser.
6. Cats respect intelligence. It has nothing to do with age; it has to do with who has decided to be in charge and make it happen. They often change roles, but only if it’s to their advantage. The treats go first to the cat in charge no matter who you give them to.
7. Cats know the people who love them. Cats have favorites and will let you know. I have a cat who loves one of my friends. When my friend comes over and calls the cat’s name, the cat comes from out of nowhere to get pet.
8. Cats know enough to take naps when they’re tired. They know the value of a good snooze and the importance of conserving energy for the tough stuff. They don’t get cranky or get moody; they just go to sleep.

Never underestimate any earthly creature.

Lisbeth Calandrino has been coaching businesses and training for over 20 years. To schedule a consultation or have her speak to your team, reach her at 518.495-5380 or Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com.

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:54+00:00December 16th, 2014|beliefs, Blog, Motivation|2 Comments

Getting Unstuck in Life: Advice from Someone Who’s Been There

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50 Ways to get Unstuck

50 Ways to get Unstuck

I recently wrote a book, “Birds Don’t Get Caught in Flypaper: 50 Ways to Get Unstuck in Life.” I wrote the book as I was reflecting on where, in my life, I had gotten stuck over the years. Rather than forgetting those tough points, it’s important to keep track of them.

If you start taking a closer look at all those sticky points, it’s likely there is a connection between all of them. While I was writing the book, I realized a common theme: Many of the events that I had once viewed as conflicts – were conflicts that didn’t really exist! Wow, won’t that keep you from moving forward.

Let’s use, for example, your need to be accepted and liked. You might not want to admit it – or maybe you don’t even realize it – but it likely permeates every decision in your life. Rather than take on an injustice to yourself or someone else, you find ways to make excuses – well-sounding ones for sure – that’ll get you away from conflict.

I was talking to an electrician friend of mine the other day about a problem. (I think it had something to do with where to hold a birthday party and what to bring.) He said I should stay away from such conflicts. I didn’t even see it as a conflict; I saw it as something that needed to be discussed.

A birthday party sounds like it should be a piece of cake (pun intended), but it was quickly becoming a major event, with the drama centering on who would have the best idea and who would appear to have done the most work. Frankly, I didn’t have time to do all the work, and I knew the person would just be happy that someone had done it for her. Things sure do get gritty, though, don’t they?

Getting unstuck is not that hard.

Getting unstuck is not that hard.

I hope you’re not one of those who like being stuck. You’re probably asking, “Who would like that?” but getting stuck is easier than you might think. Not being stuck means taking responsibility for every move you make and leaving nothing to chance. Every trip to the mailbox, to the grocery store or even across the street has meaning. I have learned there is great value in not only what I do but also why it do it.

We all have a face that we want the world to see, and we go to great lengths to protect it. We never want to look out of character for ourselves. If we want to appear organized and someone comes to our house while it’s in disarray, we get upset. We might even put it back on the person knocking on the door by saying, “It’s more polite if you call.” It’s harsh, I know, but I had a close relative who felt this way.

Many of us who need to be liked already realize it, but instead of dealing with it, we become defiant. I love that word: defiant.
Defiance is a mechanism people use to make other people think they are independent. The problem is that they wind up being defiant in situations that make no sense. Here’s a great story to illustrate my point: My cousin said her mom saved every nickel for her when she was growing up, and since she couldn’t get all the things she wanted growing up, she was going to spend it all! She couldn’t have what she wanted then, so she was determined to get it now.

So what’s your story? Take down some notes, and recreate the chapters to bring you success.

To have Lisbeth talk with your team or book a free consultation, call 518-495-5380, EST. “Birds Don’t Get Caught in Flypaper, 50 Ways to Get Unstuck in Life” is available at Amazon.

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:54+00:00November 8th, 2014|beliefs, Blog, Motivation|0 Comments

What Does Sales Success and Body Building Have in Common?

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What good are excuses?

What good are excuses?

Several weeks ago I conducted a sales and product knowledge training in Burlington, Vermont for Mohawk Industries. In the front row was a rather petite, attractive and outspoken young woman named Marion Posluszny. Marion is part of the management team at Wholesale Flooring in North Hampton, NH.

Marion was extremely sharp and when I mentioned exercising, she stated, “You just don’t know.” The statement stirred my curiosity and I went on Facebook to find that Marion is a body builder. As a dedicated gym rat, I’m aware of what someone has to do to be successful at body building. I decided to give Marion a call.

Marion, tell me a little about body building, how did you get interested in it and why do you like it?

I was always fascinated by the “look” of these super fit athletes. I just never knew how to get involved in it. I met my trainer Laura through the referral of a mutual friend. I like the ever-changing challenge that comes with it. It is always evolving, and it’s a continual process that has to be constantly worked on.

How does it relate to sales success?

I would say it relates to success in the way that you need to combine drive, work ethic, attention to detail and letting go of the fear of failing. It’s ok to fail; I look at it as a lesson learned. It paves the way to getting it right. What keeps you motivated to be a good manager or salesperson? I love people that I come into contact every day. I love the creative aspect of designing a project alongside them. I believe it is very helpful to continue to branch out and seek information, be it conventions, sales seminars or trade shows. I always like to see what other’s perspective is. It gets the creativity going. I have gotten some of the best ideas form other people. Arnold Schwarzenegger once said that “The only way to be a champion is by going through these forced reps and the torture and pain.” Although he called it pain, he still said he loves it. How do you feel about this?

Well funny you should mention him; I refer to his “Six Rules of Success” often. His story is just amazing, he says, “Never be afraid to fail.”

The amount of drive he possesses is amazing.

He recounts when he was first competing and was in the Austrian Army, he had to sneak onto a freight train to get to Germany to compete. The point is he stopped at nothing.

I love the” just go out there and get it attitude.” His attitude is ‘anything is possible,’ and so far I think he’s right!

I’m assuming like sales, you don’t “win” all the time. How do you stay focused?

If you let negative thoughts run through your mind it’s time wasted towards your goal. There will always be days that self-doubt gets the better of you. I don’t focus on self-doubt: I focus on being positive and winning. I’ve realized it’s easier to move forward by having this type of attitude.

The only thing a negative attitude does is erode yourself-esteem. There have been times when I didn’t place in a competition; instead of letting it bother me, but I used the information to develop a plan to improve my skills.

What advice do you have for anyone in sales who want to be above average?

  1. Pressure will help you stay focused. Remember, everyone else is out to win your customer.
  2. Don’t procrastinate; you must get out and do it. Procrastination makes your task harder and longer.
  3. Surround yourself with like-minded people. This way, you can support each other.
  4. Keep yourself invigorated by staying on top of what your industry has to offer and don’t be afraid to fail. Failing helps you evaluate your technique and make changes.
  5. Always keep educating yourself on communication and building relationships.
  6. Taking part in trade shows will build confidence and keep your approach fresh and creative.
  7. Always deliver more than you promise—and promise a lot!
  8. If it’s what you really want, never give up. Giving up is just an excuse for “not wanting it bad enough.”
  9. Believe in yourself and what you’re doing is good for yourself and your customers. Everything comes from your values and what’s important in life.

And lastly, “I personally like this one the best, “Be excited and passionate; no one can take that away from you!

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:54+00:00October 12th, 2014|beliefs, Blog, Sales, Success|0 Comments

“Think Pink.” What are you Doing to Connect with Your Customers During “Breast Cancer Awareness Month?”

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Beat breast cancer.

Beat breast cancer.

According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation,  more than 200,000 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer across the United States this year, worse; approximately 43,000 will die as a result of being afflicted with the disease. I lost both my sister and cousin from this dreaded disease. There aren’t many months that give us an opportunity to stay in front of our female customers and make a difference.  October, Breast Cancer Awareness month is one; the other is Women’s Heart Month, February.

You may have seen national retail stores marketing pink-themed products over the last few years. Every time a pink product is purchased – be it a makeup bag, purse, scarf or t-shirt – a portion of the proceeds is donated by the merchant to the breast cancer organization of their choice. If you don’t want to peddle pink merchandise, how about holding an event in your store and have a pink theme? How about holding a pink hat contest?

Whatever you do, make it matter. To make it matter even more, Fabulous Floors Magazine is giving away $100.00 to the store that has the best party with the most people supporting Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Please send me your photos and the details, so I can blog about it either in October or November. I know; the rules are more subjective than objective, but one of you will win. Please share your stories; it’s the stories that keep the fight alive.  My sister was too late; my cousin wasn’t up for a repeat fight.

I look forward to your entries, whatever you do, it will make a difference.

I can’t wait to see the photos.

Thank you for making a difference.

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Are you a Victor or Victim of the Environment?

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American novelist.

American novelist.

Today I attended a Weight Watchers meeting. What started out as a “fact-finding mission,” has turned into a lifetime membership. I’ve been attending for a year; weighing in weekly and often staying for the meetings. I never thought I would stay, but I find the people and the meeting inspiring. Today we discussed things in the environment that we can’t change.

I went out to eat the other night and noticed that everyone was taking home more than I was eating. There were mounds and mounds of food on everyone’s plate. I kept thinking, if I ate all that food I would just continue to gain weight, but the food looked so appetizing. I heard a little voice say in my head, “It’s not for me.” I guess that’s what going to Weight Watchers for a year will do for you.

You become what you hand around.

You become what you hand around.

Is your environment unhealthy? Here are some tips for staying on top of it.

1. Remember stress of some form will always be in your life. You may choose to see it as stress or change it to excitement. We may not be able to change the stress but we can change how we react to it.

2. Have an escape plan. If things get too much for you, get out. One of the men said he was so overwhelmed by the food at an open house; he just left via the back door. Occupy your mind with something different. I have a friend who “worries it forward.” Instead of waiting for the “think to happen, “ in her mind, a “possibility that it might” means it has. According to a poll on the health site, for example, roughly 70% of readers find themselves ruminating quite often, and only around 5% find that they are able to let things go almost immediately. To ruminate is one way to think or exercise the mind or one’s power of reason in order to make inferences, decisions or arrive at a solution. Instead of getting done with it, you think about it over and over.  Do you think you’re prone to “ruminating?” Take this test and find some helpful tips to get you away from this habit.

3. Distract yourself from the uncomfortable thing. This will help you forget about it and put together a new plan. You can read a book, turn on the television or take your dog for a walk. Be a good friend and look for positive people.

Get some exercise

Get some exercise

4. Be mindful of your situation. Instead of going off into the “what if,” become grounded in reality. Reality might not feel like the safest place to be, but you will have more options there.

5. If you’re stressed, make sure you get enough sleep. Without the proper amount of sleep, things look a lot worse. Consider a short nap to perk up your stress coping abilities.

6. The best way to lessen your stress is to go for a run or exercise. Exercise raises your endorphins and will give you energy. The environment continually changes giving us more things to deal with. The better we are with coping the more pleasant our lives.

Lisbeth helps businesses improve their customer service and the customer experience. To have her talk to your team or schedule a call, reach her at 518.495.5380.

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Feelings Can Be Good Or Bad; They Are Both Part Of Your Success

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Good feelings help us take in success.

Ask most people if they want to be successful, and they would say “of course.” If you ask them their strategy, they have the “deer in the head light look.”

Being successful requires a strategy. If you’re buying a new car or a house, you have a strategy. You make a list of the things that are important and exactly what you’re looking for.

Saying, “you’re not sure what you’re looking for” is not a strategy.

One thing you can do is to pay attention to your gut instinct. You know; “gut instinct” is a feeling. It is the feeling that makes you question what you’re doing. It may suggest that you not do it, or that you proceed ahead. Part of building a successful life is paying attention to your feelings.

You can have all the best plans in the world but if it “doesn’t feel right” you can be sure there is something wrong.  Smart people pay attention to these feelings.

How do gut feelings work? Whenever we have an experience not only is the data stored but so are the feelings about it. We’ve all had butterflies in our stomach when we are trying something new. These feelings are connected to something that has happened during the past.

Have you ever met someone, and a warm feeling came over you? Instinctively, you liked this person? This likely comes from an experience of a person who is “similar.” This also happens when you don’t like the person. There are things that happen in our life that makes us feel good or bad.  We call this “intuition.” This is why people who look for success find it. They continually conjure up positive feelings and go with them. This doesn’t mean they ignore danger, it means they look for positive rather than negative cues.

Paying attention to your gut feelings can help you stay on the road to success or derail you; feelings are not to be ignored.

Why would you fear success?

My experience tells me that most people don’t fear success; instead they feel failure. In order to be successful you must take risks and not all risks end with positive results. In order to get to success you may run across failure. Success is linked to failure in fact people who are successful have either overcome their fear of failure or believe their tough enough to get through it. Failure is often related to criticism and rejection.

Have you ever had a time when you were incapacitated with fear? The key is to forge through it and consider your mistakes as part of the learning process. Once you make a mistake, you have a better idea of what to do next.

You have probably heard the Law of Feedback—there is no failure only feedback. If you consider failure and mistakes as permanent, you will never be successful.

If you think back through history, the early settlers were probably wrecked with a mistake, but they never gave up. They ate foods that were poisonous, drank bad water and met up with dangerous animals. They didn’t feel they could give up. They knew they had to continue. Maybe we should consider ourselves as pioneers in our personal life. We are forging our path and are on our journey. No two lives or journeys are ever the same so how would we really know what works?

One thing you can do is take action, any kind of action. Do something that might frighten you and act on it. Every action you take will help you over your fear.

If it doesn’t work, try something else.

 

Lisbeth Calandrino helps businesses build loyal and profitable customers. She have her speak or provide training for your group she can be reached at Lcalandrino@nycap.rr.com

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By |2017-03-03T12:06:59+00:00December 9th, 2013|beliefs, Blog|0 Comments