I recently wrote a book, “Birds Don’t Get Caught in Flypaper: 50 Ways to Get Unstuck in Life.” I wrote the book as I was reflecting on where, in my life, I had gotten stuck over the years. Rather than forgetting those tough points, it’s important to keep track of them.
If you start taking a closer look at all those sticky points, it’s likely there is a connection between all of them. While I was writing the book, I realized a common theme: Many of the events that I had once viewed as conflicts – were conflicts that didn’t really exist! Wow, won’t that keep you from moving forward.
Let’s use, for example, your need to be accepted and liked. You might not want to admit it – or maybe you don’t even realize it – but it likely permeates every decision in your life. Rather than take on an injustice to yourself or someone else, you find ways to make excuses – well-sounding ones for sure – that’ll get you away from conflict.
I was talking to an electrician friend of mine the other day about a problem. (I think it had something to do with where to hold a birthday party and what to bring.) He said I should stay away from such conflicts. I didn’t even see it as a conflict; I saw it as something that needed to be discussed.
A birthday party sounds like it should be a piece of cake (pun intended), but it was quickly becoming a major event, with the drama centering on who would have the best idea and who would appear to have done the most work. Frankly, I didn’t have time to do all the work, and I knew the person would just be happy that someone had done it for her. Things sure do get gritty, though, don’t they?
I hope you’re not one of those who like being stuck. You’re probably asking, “Who would like that?” but getting stuck is easier than you might think. Not being stuck means taking responsibility for every move you make and leaving nothing to chance. Every trip to the mailbox, to the grocery store or even across the street has meaning. I have learned there is great value in not only what I do but also why it do it.
We all have a face that we want the world to see, and we go to great lengths to protect it. We never want to look out of character for ourselves. If we want to appear organized and someone comes to our house while it’s in disarray, we get upset. We might even put it back on the person knocking on the door by saying, “It’s more polite if you call.” It’s harsh, I know, but I had a close relative who felt this way.
Many of us who need to be liked already realize it, but instead of dealing with it, we become defiant. I love that word: defiant.
Defiance is a mechanism people use to make other people think they are independent. The problem is that they wind up being defiant in situations that make no sense. Here’s a great story to illustrate my point: My cousin said her mom saved every nickel for her when she was growing up, and since she couldn’t get all the things she wanted growing up, she was going to spend it all! She couldn’t have what she wanted then, so she was determined to get it now.
So what’s your story? Take down some notes, and recreate the chapters to bring you success.
To have Lisbeth talk with your team or book a free consultation, call 518-495-5380, EST. “Birds Don’t Get Caught in Flypaper, 50 Ways to Get Unstuck in Life” is available at Amazon.