Lis Calandrino

I picked up a copy of Time Magazine’s article What Women Want Now. It was an interesting eye-opener. 

The most interesting aspect was the difference between where women are now and where we (yes, I was one of them) were in the 70’s with feminism. It seems like women of the 70’s were trying to prove equality; we, of course, know that you are either equal or not, it’s pretty much in your thinking. I have been wondering "how do women see themselves, are we different, do we want different things?"

I write articles on business and also on what women want when it comes to shopping and buying. The data suggests that we like the hunting part as well as the buying but, different than men, the hunt can be as much fun as the capture—we don’t even need to capture to have fun! There have been many books written on us and our shopping habits; why so much on us? Because, as many of you know, we are the primary shoppers for almost every product. As the Time Magazine article points out, we also have the means to shop, with 40% of us earning more than our mates. With this statistic of 40% growing, it’s important to note the changes that have been gradually evolving in businesses over the past 10 years: children’s corners in retail stores, changing stations for babies in airports as well as nursing stations!
I know it’s tough when you work retail and realize your customer may be on a terminal shopping adventure.

Of course, not every female finds shopping that exciting and interesting. But, as noted in Retail Therapy, Life Lessons Learned while Shopping, Tammy Faye Baker Mesner put another point of view so clearly: "I always saw shopping as cheaper than a psychiatrist." All of these past articles somehow support the notion that one has to be crazy to like shopping. According to Barbara Pease, Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps, biological evidence seems to support the theory that men and women are quite different from birth and that it’s not easily “explained away” by social conditioning. Brought up on a desert island with no dolls or trucks, girls would want to cuddle and play with dolls while boys would want to compete with each other and form hierarchal groups. 

Bottom line—we’re different.

What does that mean heading into 2010? These questions spurred me to take a workshop from a group called Jness. My questions were: Are we still like we were in the 70’s, trying to prove our worth through our male counterparts? Do we still believe that something has been taken from us and we must prove our ability to fight? It didn’t seem like it.
Jness literature states their purpose as: "Jness is an international organization for women with a mission of providing a warm and inviting environment for women to gather together and discover each other as we find and express our voice in today’s world."
In speaking with one of the founders of Jness, Pamela Cafritz elaborated: "In a fun, social context like this Jnessence weekend, we endeavor to discover the truth, fallacy and humor behind our male society. We want women to be empowered, overjoyed and maybe even emboldened! We bring together women who, like you, want to create a more honorable and compassionate world, and have fun doing it. We think women possess the warmth, heart and vision to bring balance to the world."

I found the workshop to be very eye opening; inductive group exercises designed to examine our place in the world and our concerns for ourselves, our mates and our children. The group consisted of different age groups 30-60, from various countries, each with careers, families and playing many roles. The theme being, as female adults, what roles do we play in society and what are our responsibilities for world change. I know, pretty heavy topics, but we had two whole days to solve these issues…

What I found was an interesting group of women, comfortable with their feminine “skin” and wanting very much to respect others' differences and concerns. The issues of ‘should we work?’, ‘does it matter how much we shop?’, and ‘do you like to cook?’ seem to be a given—not issues to be debated or defended. It really didn’t matter. The participants were interested in camaraderie in the feminine sense as we see it and live it.

The best part about the workshop was listening to other women share their concerns about life, and how that differed from our mothers and grandmothers. I related an interesting conversation I had with my 95 year-old female neighbor, Irma. It was Primary day and I wasn’t going to vote until I ran into Irma. She reminded me of "her time" when she was not allowed to vote; her statement: you have responsibilities to the world. I must say that woke me up.

As I think about my life on earth, which I do quite often, I wonder about my place and my commitment. I realize that I am able to make a difference by understanding others and supporting their beliefs that help them grow. By investing in myself and my learning I inadvertently help the world.

As Socrates said, know thyself.

My experience tells me that the best investment I can make for you and for me is to invest in myself. 

The month of December has been a very interesting one for me. This year I’ve been fortunate enough to celebrate Chanukah, Christmas coming tomorrow and next week is Kwanzaa. Tradition is interesting, even if it’s not your own. Several of us celebrated the 6th night of Chanukah with our neighbor Dan and we got to learn some Israeli folk dances and eat traditional food. Tradition and the holidays give us an excuse to give gifts, give thanks and get together with people who are important in our lives.

This year I had a “family” party, Italian Night at the Calandrino’s for 30 of my friends. We sang holiday songs; ate the best food (cooked by all), drank wine, sang, ate lots of desserts and sang some more. It was wonderful; everyone was kind, concerned and it felt like family. I reminded me of the Olive Garden commercial, “when you’re here it’s like family.” I received so many nice notes thanking me for getting everyone together.

It has made me stop and think; why do we wait a year to get together with people that are important? I mean, how many years do we have on this earth? Let’s say you have 70 years left, does this mean you’ll only see your best friends 70 times? It’s also possible you won’t recognize anyone after year 65 from now. Getting together once a month makes more sense, doesn’t it? I have discussed it with my friends and they all agree and have offered help to make it happen.

Caring about others is never as striking as during “the season.” Today I was in the beauty salon and one of the technicians said, will I be able to get my paycheck today? The reply from the owner: I don’t think so; we didn’t take in any cash, only checks. Of course that put the technician in a snit. Single mom with two kids. While the owner is out shopping and telling everyone that she has her shopping done. On the other side, my downstairs neighbor, Irma, received a surprise bouquet of roses. The florist sent them because Irma was kind enough to accept a delivery for me and the delivery man was going to be late! It made Irma’s day; and I hate to throw this in, but that’s what I call Red Hot Customer Service!

Unexpected, out-of-the-ordinary and very nice.

Now it’s your turn. What will you be doing for the holidays and whose day will you make?
I want to thank all of you for the support you’ve given me this year while I have been growing my blog and testing new waters. It’s wonderful to know that you are out there; many of you drop me an email now and then or comment on my blog. How about this year you leave more comments and ideas so we have new things to talk about? Let me know what’s going on in your neck of the woods and what you’re doing through the holidays?
Whomever thought that cyberspace was impersonal didn’t know what they were talking about.

Happy Holidays, and love to you all.

I knew it would come to this. Not only has the pay phone gone but so too has the house phone. 

You know, the one attached to the wall.

While helping my friend Mary clean out her mom’s home recently (her mom had recently gone to a nursing home) I noticed an old dial telephone on the shelf.

“Mary," I asked. "Could I have your mom’s phone?" 

Of course she replied "yes," but not until she asked "why?"

I told her it will probably be a collector’s item and besides, I won’t have to worry about losing it.

The longer I looked at the phone, however, the stranger it looked. It really is a relic.

The latest Forrester Research tells us that the number of smart phone users who access the Web daily from their phones is 36%. In addition, 80% of Americans are online which makes you wonder, in addition to Irma, my 94 year old neighbor, who isn’t online?

Another interesting statistic supports that three-quarters of these Americans have broadband, and have not yet added mobile or social network strategies to their marketing mix. I know, many of you that belong to the “I’m not going on Facebook ever” group are gloating. Don’t get too complacent, the latest statistic about Facebook is: if it were a country, it would be the third largest in the world. I never thought I would get myself involved with FarmVille or the Mafia Wars on Facebook, but they really are fun.

I would say it’s just a matter of time until we all move to mobile phones and Facebook. According to Henry Harteveldt, Forrester VP and principal analyst, one in four use their mobile device to research products they will buy either online or offline. For one thing, it’s easier. Forrester predicts that mobile will become the hub of consumer relationships. And it will be all about Apps.

I don’t have an iPhone but I am enamored with their Apps. If you need to know anything, just ask an iPhone user and they have an “App” for it. 

Want to know about the weather? They have an App. 

Want a recipe? They have an App. 

As Yahoo! defines it, an App — or application — is fun or useful software that can enhance your experience on your phone or on the Web.

So how will this affect your business?

• Communication in your business is important, knowing how your customers communicate is even more important. You don’t have to like where communication is going, but know it will affect your business. And by the way, what’s not to like?
• Is information about your business constantly being updated or is it forever carved in stone? Think of your web site as if it were a magazine cover. Would you open a magazine if the cover never changed?
• Embrace new technology; attend workshops on social networking and building your business, determine what do you need to learn and where you start. You may think you’re old school or behind other businesses, but for mainstream it’s fairly new. Don’t get complacent.

One reason to look at online marketing is it’s pretty cheap, and sometimes free. If you know your stuff, you can compete with almost anyone and make a dent in the marketplace.  Do you own a smart phone but still using it as a dumb phone? Take a trip to wherever you bought it and ask for a lesson or two on what it can do. That reminds me; guess I need a trip to Radio Shack for a lesson on my Blackberry.

I know you’ve heard it all and don’t know who to believe. Here’s what I think, and by the way, leave me your comments at the end of the blog and tell me what you would do to fix this nightmare.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Tiger Woods, he’s the reason I watch pro golf and the reason I got interested in golf. Maybe you feel the same way. Tiger represents all that’s great about pro athletes: persistency, focus and a willingness to work hard. He also has a beautiful wife, and two cute kids, I’ll stop here.

Okay, everything isn’t so rosy at home.

Supposedly he is surrounded by a force of “geniuses” whose primary job is to build, maintain and protect the brand called “Tiger Woods.” The question is, have they given him the right advice, did they act quickly enough or is Tiger just not paying attention? Does Tiger suffer from the “I know it all disease” off the greens? It wouldn’t surprise me. It isn’t that rare. I've known business owners that feel that because they're good at what they do, they must be good everywhere else, right?  Movie stars know how to stop wars and have opinions on everything, though usually loaded with inaccuracies. I remember Tom Cruise wanting psychiatry outlawed.

The Tiger Camp issued a statement saying that they didn’t know how to deal with Tiger; the whole affair threw them for a loop. My suggestion to Tiger: fire them! Businesses don’t hire experts for the easy stuff. He should have called his mother; she would have told him what to do—tell the truth.

Everyone has the right to privacy; and what you do in your own home is pretty much your own business. If you want to drive your car into your sofa who would care? Well your dog might care. But if you’re going to drive your car into a fire hydrant and back into a tree, the game has changed. And if you’re the biggest man on the greens, everyone cares. Helloooo… Tiger’s fans care.

NBC cares. According to the Wall Street Journal,  the TV ratings double when Mr. Wood’s plays. According to the Reuter’s blog, “Woods ratchets up television ratings whenever he competes and mentioning his name in a headline triggers massive interest by newspaper and online readers.” 

(Don’t worry too much about the sponsors, if there’s an audience deficiency, the advertisers are somewhat protected and will receive advertising credits towards other media buys.)

There are lots of unanswered questions. Where was he going at 2am, and how did all those things get in the way of his car if he was just backing out of the drive way? And could they really cause facial lacerations, bleeding, etc.? Is cool Tiger so shook up that he can’t do what he does so well—play golf? We hope not. Why did this even make the papers in this unflattering form? How important is Tiger’s reputation? My mom used to say all you have is your reputation; maybe Marie should have been Tiger’s marketing advisor. This didn’t have to be a problem. Was it poor management, poor advice or just panic in Tiger’s mind? So is it our business? Well no and yes. Simply enough, he hit the fire hydrant and you heard the variation on the rest. It’s not our business because he’s just a human being. It is our business because he’s chosen to make it our business. Tiger represents the best of what he does, the gold standard.

His life is no longer private; he has chosen to disclose the most intimate aspects. My advice: share the solution, his fans will stand by. His personal business is his business but it quickly became ours. Eventually we probably would have found out what happened. Okay so eventually we would forget most of it.

Okay so Tiger isn’t infallible, he’s real, and being real he becomes even more important to our society, if he “bellies up to the bar” as they say.

There are some important lessons for all of us concerned about our brands. Building a brand is hard; destroying a brand is a lot easier. So protecting your brand is important and takes a lot of work.

Tell the truth. Not telling the truth creates problems that don’t exist. Consult your confidants, your family, and your business associates before you issue any statements. When in doubt, call your lawyer. By the way, that was my ex-husband’s remedy for most events but I just figured it was because he was a lawyer. My ex-husband was right too. Remember you have loyal fans that wish you well, buy your products and sometimes wish they were you. By the way, we want our heroes to be good because we want to be like them.

Live by your ethics, breaching your ethics will always cause you and your loved ones pain. If your fans question your ethics your business will lose credibility.

Turn lemons into lemonade; look at the glass as half full, not half empty. These are wise words to live by.

Now that we know, share the solution.

A business owner told me his employee was drunk at a local bar and when the business owner confronted him the employee told him it was none of his business. He was drinking on his own time. Was it his business? You bet it was. But maybe he should have first discussed it with his lawyer before confronting his employee. You and your business are always on display. Several years ago I was traveling with an associate who decided to spout off about how stupid a prominent official was; of course his next-door-neighbor was sitting behind us.

I think Tiger and his marketing gurus should read the Velveteen Rabbit; have you read it? It’s a kid’s book written for adults. Maybe it will help them put a plan together. Here is a passage: If you want, you can have Meryl Streep read it, just click here.

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.

It looks like our Tiger is about to become real. I wish him the best.