Three months ago I realized I was putting on weight. Maybe you've been there yourself: pants that seem to have shrunk and a button that just won't close. You blame it on the clothes dryer thinking it must have shrunk the jeans. Or maybe the culprit is the scale–it's just not trustworthy!
Of course, if you know me you're laughing. I look like 99 lbs soaking wet. Not fat by anyone else's standard, but the real truth is that I've thought about my weight since as long as I can remember. It all goes back to childhood.
Life experiences change what we think about ourselves. I realize my thoughts about weight go back to my grandmother. Eating, just like any other habit, is formed based on a series of decisions. How we sleep, eat, exercise, etc., they're all habits. I started noticing mine and thinking again about weight. It hit me: my grandmother was overweight. I adored my grandmother. On Saturdays when I was young we all piled into grandpa's Cadillac and drove to the city of Hudson to shop for groceries. It was a tight fit in that back seat with my chunky aunt and grandmother Christine. When winter came there was less room with more coats, more elbows and pocketbooks in the way. When summer came there was still less room and I realized grandma Christine looked bigger. At the movies grandma would put 25 cents In the scale and weigh herself. There was a point when she stopped giving me the numbers. Actually, i was too young to equate the numbers with fat. I was fascinated with the scale–I didn't equate it with grandmas weight. I was also too short to read the scale.
By the way, every Saturday we went to the five and dime for a hot fudge sunday, with whipped cream, nuts and cherries. This continued for years until my grandma had a heart attack and died. I heard them say she was too fat. And so, my lifelong obsession with weight began.
In my seminars I talk about how we make decisions. Decisions come from beliefs we make when are young and impressionable.
I miss our trips and the closeness, and think of how many more experiences we could have had together. Somehow I don't feel hungry anymore.